So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
