So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
