It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
