and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
