I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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