please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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