Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
