The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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