i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
