just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
