That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
