we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
