I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
