Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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