Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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