Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
