i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
