Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
