i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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