I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
