Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
