I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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