Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
