I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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