so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
