he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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