Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
