Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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