Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
