I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
