For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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