I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
