So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
