Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone threw a dead crab at me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
