Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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