Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
