I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
