bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
