youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
