I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
