Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
