You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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