he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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