I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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