I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
its liver damage thursday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
