Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
not ubering you a puppy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
