dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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