Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
