I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
