we're blogging at a bar
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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